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I asked about Cassy’s progress in her relationship with the other man she was dating.Ben — the guy — wasn’t a great communicator, sometimes going a week before responding to a text.However, I still felt like there was an end point where I’d have to bow out. “By this time in a typical relationship, I’d be looking for a commitment.But it feels like we lack that typical progression, and I wish I had a next step to reach for.” He understood what I meant, but there was no real answer for this concern.We were not meeting each other’s friends or families. I had thrown down the cash to attend his class, but it was like this wasn’t a date for him — just work.We were not going to be “Facebook official.” There was no next step. I could feel myself overreacting, throwing a fit over nothing.I arrived at two truths: To many people, monogamy is natural; to many people, monogamy is unnatural.
I regularly went out with some not-right-for-me dudes, but it was how I learned. With this mind-set, I responded to a message from Greg, who labeled himself “in an open relationship” in his Ok Cupid profile. Love is a man who will stay over after sex (without being asked).A man who will drive on our road trips to national parks, but let me navigate.How does the girl you see casually feel about all this? He hesitated to admit it, perhaps feeling the need to defend this lifestyle and its quirks.She walked out on him at dinner last time they met. At first that wasn’t OK, but it was logistically complicated, so they have allowed it. After the date we talked daily, tugging back and forth on definitions and labels and identities, finding they were pliable.