Mental patients dating set up your own dating service
That’s understandable, but if we’re going to start dating, rejection—or even people just taking a pass on being with us at some point—is something that’s always going to be a possibility, something we will always need to be up to dealing with, because it could always happen.
I’d also do a self-check on how able you feel to take a pass on someone’s interest or not move things forward when that’s not really what you want.
After all, figuring out if we’re ready to date in general, and then if we’re in the right head space right now, or with a given person, to do that, is something for everyone to do, not just someone with mental illness.
For instance, you voice what sounds like a big fear of rejection.
I also think someone thinking this deeply about these things, as you are, who is considering taking a pretty big emotional risk by disclosing something she’s scared about for the other person’s benefit?
That person sounds very trustworthy to me, and like someone very invested in building trust and being very mindful about it—more mindful than most.
If you haven’t already talked about all of this with your therapist, that’s the first thing I’d suggest.
I trust him and know my secret would be safe with him, but I’m terrified that he’ll suddenly find me disgusting, or frightening, or that he’ll never be able to trust me again – because honestly, who would fully trust someone who’s a compulsive liar?
That way, you can have plenty of reliable information to consider in making choices with dating and disclosure.
If you’re unsure about what to ask her, I’d suggest questions like: Once you have that information, I’d then take a look at how you feel in general when it comes to feeling up to dating.
It might be a bad time because we don’t feel up to possible rejection, because they’re in a last, tough year of school, or because someone is in the thick of a family crisis. Our intuitive feelings are feelings we can usually trust and do well giving a lot of weight to. Like you already voiced, having mental illness can make a person feel isolated, and all the more so if it’s something you’re not sharing with any friends so that you’ve got them as an extra support sometimes, or just feel like your friends really know you.
And if and when that happens, everything else can be golden, but we might—or they might—take a pass and maybe just try again later when the timing is better. Keeping this a secret from everyone also might be making those feelings of shame feel a lot bigger than they would without the silence.